I remember our first date like it was yesterday. Well not yesterday. Maybe like a month ago. You wore a red t-shirt that had something in black written on it and you wore it with multi colored Billabong shorts. And we went to Mc Donald’s. No one knew that you and I went on this date and you slowly held my hand. We both ordered a chicken Mc deluxe, regular, mine was coke with ice and yours was a sprite without ice. I didn't finish eating my burger because it was messy and I didn't want to come across as greedy. I wish I could go back to that date. The 16th September 2011. Then the next day we went for our first movie Johnny English 2. We went with your friends. But we sat separately. I still remember feeling your arm and saying it’s very skinny. The next day you and I went clubbing together. We both dressed in black and that was when we first kissed. It was the best feeling on earth. Nothing else or no one else mattered at that moment.  We kept meeting in the roof top after that. That’s where you told me that you will only date me for a year and no more than that because you didn’t want to be tied down to me or any woman. Another time I remember you didn't want to hold hands with me because you didn't want to get married to me, I didn't understand how holding hands would lead to marriage. Maybe I should have known, I should have should have seen the signs. But things changed. One year became two years you told me you wanted me to be the one. Remember we planned to have 3 children (a boy, a girl and then another boy) and a dog, because I hate cats. 
I don’t remember what I wore on our first date. Maybe the truth is I didn't care about myself and it was all about you, I was insignificant and what mattered was you. You hardly came to meet me because you preferred to play games with your friends. But I didn’t mind spending time alone. I enjoy solidarity. But now that I am alone, I don’t know anymore. Was it me or was it you, maybe it was the both of us and maybe it didn’t work out because we were extremely different people. We didn’t have the same views on anything. I like to think I am opened minded. Then again I like to think a lot of things

So today I woke up early. AGAIN!! And I can't help but think of you. I cant help it. It just happens that you are the first thought that comes to my head in the morning, which I don't mind. But the thoughts that follow after makes me cringe. Thoughts like, I will no longer be the girl you take home, or message/ call me when something good or bad happens in your life nor will I be  the girl that you think about morning noon and night. I know this might be sounding like a sob story and you might even say that I need to get a life. But how do i move on. This is not my first heart break, but it does feel like it. I've been through worse. But nothing can compare to the pain I'm feeling now. They say it takes half the time of the relationship to get over the person. So does this mean that I'm going to feel this way for one and half years. Then why r u ok. The thing is, you broke up with me knowing you won't have to see me for a month. Knowing that I'll be at home and you'll be in another country having a ball. I agree, I wasn't the perfect girlfriend. But I love you and I tried. I don't blame you for falling for someone else. But how could she do thos to me. She knew me, she knew us. You don't call me or text me anymore. But why do I still miss you, when you clearly don't. And why do i still feel like we can work things out? I dreamt about you again. But in my dreams despite us being together, I no longer trust you, therefore it doesn't work out. So does this mean deep down I'm accepting the truth that we  will never b together?

- Red

Red:  I liked to think that I was a strong girl who could have survived without you or any man. My main goal in life was never to get married and have children. It was to grow up be successful, rich and happy. But that was before I fell in love with you. For some reason I let go of whom I was and became what you wanted me to become. And I agree I was happy. I opened up to you, told you my worst fears and all these silly ideas that came to my head. But 3 years down the line you let go of me and you moved on like it meant nothing to you. I mean how did you move on from a three year relationship in just 3 days? I guess it was a day for each year you spent with me. I thought what you and I had was a forever kinda thing. So I kept telling myself when things ended that it must have been my fault. So I tried becoming the girl you wanted me to be and when that wasn’t enough I begged and cried asking you to take me back. And the funny part was this was not how I normally am. If it was someone, I would tell them that whoever made you feel this insignificant and unloved isn’t worth your time to begin with and how you deserve so much more. But why can’t I tell myself that? Why do I cry every night? Why am I so hurt? Why do I still want you back? I mean you did start liking another girl in just 3 days after you dumped me. Like I said a day for every year right? The truth is now I hate you, but I don’t ever want you to go through what I’m going through, so I guess I still love you. But why? Why can’t heart break, break evenly? Why do I have to be the unhappy one when you are fine and falling in love with someone else as we speak?  Well I guess I loved you more than you loved me. But I don’t believe that. I still feel like you care and that you still love me. Maybe I’m wrong or maybe I’m right, but I can’t keep holding onto you thinking you’re going to come back to me. But how do I move on from you?

this just in: the worlds final one tree hill season 9 review

so i know i'm a little late to the party but i just finished watching one tree hill. 

let me tell you, man, that last season was nuts. i mean, it was crazy. i mean, what the hell was that? towards the end of that season, i think the only reason i was watching was because of my OCD, and i just had to finish it. the basketball mafia and vigilantes and things magically turning out fine.. 

but one thing about that show was, the music was always so good. for instance, 

and Gavin Degraw performed one of the most memorable theme songs from a tv show of our time. how many hours of our teen-years did we spend with that song stuck in our head, and hummed it at the most random moments! 

but seriously, what the hell was going on in season 9? it has had a few cringe worthy moments before but that whole season made me want to roll my eyes. 

Let me begin with the Mouth&Millie In The Morning show where every character they introduced was a "good friend". Did all the interesting things that happened in that town happen to just one group of people? 

What happened to the rest of tree hill? it surely couldn't have exclusively been populated by the NBA star, the fashion designer, the super star musician who choses a cafe over the dream that most people would kill for, the actress, the author, the music producer, the sports announcer, the assistant turned bitchy super model turned crack addict -normal person - talk show host, the small town - big time Hollywood director etc etc etc. you get the picture? Everyone else that lives in Tree Hill probably never got anywhere in life because they spent so much time gossiping about the drama that went on in the lives of the people in this one clique. 

OR -theory #2- they were all killed by the number of crazy people that are allowed to walk around Tree Hill so freely. From that psycho nanny who kidnapped the kid to the psycho dead-wife-doppelganger-killer to dan who killed his brother in cold blood to xavier who killed a kid and wasn't even convicted not to mention the Serbian-basketball-mob king pin who wanted to kill nathan over a basketball player. and if that's not bad enough, its sad how the characters have to take these crazy people on by themselves because the police can't be trusted or is highly incompetent as we saw when Lucas had to shoot Dan, nathan had to shoot the mob guy, i can't remember who shot the nanny, quinn had to shoot the psycho killer that came after her and the crazy owner of the cafe next door woman had to taze xavier and save brooke. and how are the characters themselves not crazy or in prison because as you might remember when we studied defenses for homicide for our LL.B. and most of these incidents had a certain amount of pre-meditated-ness (i'm sorry, this is so lame that i can't even be bothered thinking of words right now) to them.. i mean, i think they take for granted how difficult it might be to prove a total loss of control or self defense in cases like that? 

but i don't mean to hate on OTH. it was a fun show.. it was one of those things we watched when we were kids and even though sometimes i like to act like we grew up reading meaningful books and contemplating on the vastness of the universe and trying to answer big questions like, why are we here, we were just regular kids doing regular kid stuff and this show was a huge part of that, and of us growing up and being normal teenagers and it can still take us back when we find ourselves missing being that age (even though it's not a huge ask because i dont think i've "grown up" that much since then anyway).

so here's to Tree Hill - home of the Ravens, Tric - the club with the best music ever and here's to all the things that remind us of the kids that we were and just like Brooke, may we all find the things those kids once wished for without even knowing it so that when we look back, this crazy life will all make sense. 

goodbye One Tree Hill, you weirdo! 

new music. ok you should listen to need to breathe. here's one of their songs. it's good. really good. came across them on this show called Hart Of Dixie.

I haven't read Ginirala yet. downloaded 5 new books for this month. I really really wish I had my kindle, or else I'll have to read them on my ipad and - yeuck! 

Here's more need to breathe to get you hooked! 

and check out these links to a few more of my favorites by them 

moving on 

these hard times

there's a lot more.. if you think you might like this band I'll leave you to discover them on your own :) 

Yay. I figured how to do it.

The Ginirella conspiracy is a really good book. And totally worth it for 200 Rs. :)

haha but your are my music person. I listen to some of those songs you have given me on repeat.