Some say that pain/hurt is the best form of motivation. But how is pain going to motivate you when you don't even hate the person who put you through all this pain. I mean, I do come across moods where I just want to punch you in the face so that you will feel the pain that you put me through. However I know that these sudden bursts of anger don't last and that within a couple minutes I'm back in the same place I was before we decided to end things. I still don't know if I'm angry, hurt or just disappointed in you or myself because I let you in and trusted you with my heart and you hurt me. As cliche as it sounds it's true and its not fair that I feel this way and you are completely fine. Sometimes I feel like a blogger version of Taylor Swift, because I only write when i'm hurt.
Lately I feel like all I do is waste all my energy on getting over someone who broke my heart. And trust me there have been so many who successfully managed to do so, and now I don't know why I thought you'd be any different. 
Sometimes I wonder why I'm so wrapped up in finding that person who would make me feel like all of this is worth it. I don't know why I'm so desperate for love, like somehow finding that person would make me better or happier. The truth is I want to show you that I'm doing okay and by doing that you will feel like you meant nothing to me. But that isn't true, you did mean a lot to me and I care about you so much that it hurts. But at the end of the day I can't help but blame myself for giving you so much power over my emotions. I just want to skip to the part where I feel okay, but experience has taught me otherwise and that I can't just skip to the good parts in life. I realized that instead of blaming you for the situation and having a pity party, I should work on myself and eventually I'll get where I want to get. 
So this year I decided that I'm going to swear off men and work on myself and become the best version of myself. I want to find happiness in being alone and be able to look at myself in the mirror and think I am who I wanted to become. I want to become a strong independent woman who doesn't put up with anyone treating me badly or like I'm something disposable. This won't happen if I keep depending on other people to bring happiness to my life. So I guess pain can be a motivator, because the pain that you put me through made me realize that i can't depend on anyone to be happy and that at the end of the day if you don't respect yourself and let go. At the end of the day if you don't treat yourself with respect then nobody will. 
I hope and pray that one day I will be successful and happy and that I will look back with love and  realize that all this was worth it and that I didn't need help from a "significant other" to become the best version of myself. Maybe when I'm ready someone or even you will walk into my life and even if you or someone else doesn't then its okay. I will still be okay, because I will be fine with or without you. And that is the truth.